Being so bored with porn as I am, naturally when the news broke earlier this year about the new game controller from Emotiv that uses neurotechnology (aka brain waves) instead of buttons or a joystck, I got excited. Finally another small step was made towards my ultimate dream of real virtual sex.
And when I mean complete virtual sex, i’m not talking about a freakish blowup doll with a realistic battery operated, vibrating, rubber hole, or some poorly rendered 3D character in Second Life, I mean a full on, totally submersed, sexual experience triggered in my brain that is so realistic that I would swear it was real.
I want to come home from a long day at work, lower the lights, sit back on my couch, place a small device on my head, grab the remote and push track #2 “Jessica Alba” or maybe track #5 “Vintage Marilyn Monroe” that I just downloaded from the “iTunes Hustler Virtual” store, press play and have a complete, holographic, 5 senses sexual experience.
Remember the holographic “perfect Virtual Girlfriend” from that Schwarzenegger movie, The 6th Day? I want that. Remember when Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock put on helmets and did it in Demolition Man? I want that. The Holodeck in Star Trek? I want that too.
Not only do I want a programmed sexual experience, I also want recorded real sexual experiences. What if you could experience all the sensations of real orgasms from other real people? What if you could experience an orgasm of the opposite sex? Imagine being a man and finally knowing what it’s like to be fucked or licked as a woman. Imagine being a woman and finally knowing what it’s like to receive the best blowjob on earth. Imagine how good real sex would be if you could learn from that experience? Oh my GOD! Collecting recorded sexual experiences would be like savoring a fine wine or owning a Picasso. Not to mention what you could charge for that. You want to solve the financial crisis? Start selling recorded orgasms. Seriously…
I know, I know… psychologists will say that Virtual sex addiction is a major psychosis waiting to happen and that antisocial avoidance of actual human interaction is unhealthy… but I say, “STICKS and STONES, Mother fuckers!” Bring it on!
If we have the technology to put a robot on Mars, or create tiny robots out of molecules, we can somehow figure out how to beam a better blowjob into my brain. In the meantime, i’m sitting here waiting with my wallet open and bored. Bring it on. Make it so.
