I don’t know if it’s just the sweltering heat of the summer stunting my desire to surf porn or if things are just so boring lately, there just really hasn’t been much to report on that jumps out as news worthy.
In other news, I decided to start some sort of classification system to how I rate porn on this site. Since i’m not feeling all that motivated, I only came up with 5 so far, so by all means feel free to jump in to the discussion and make some suggestions. This is a blog, after all, so I encourage comments, discussion and feedback. Just don’t spam the fuck out of me, and cause me to get all up in your spammy shit.
Anyway, I was discussing with my friend Dan a while back and we came up with some classifications.
The first one is obviously:
Vanilla Porn – This is basically any kind of normal porn from fucking, blowjobs and anal to cumshots. I don’t really need to go into details because I might fall asleep, but it pretty much covers the whole gamut of the stuff that most people do in their daily private lives since the dawn of mankind, and I don’t want to talk about here on this site, unless only to ruthlessly pick it apart for being completely boring.
Clown Porn – There actually is a large fetish for clown porn you know? Either dudes dressed as clowns doing normal chicks who are either into dudes dressed like clowns, or dudes who are into doing chicks dressed as clowns. Either way, I use clown porn to classify most of the kinds of things at least that crack me up and are news worthy.
Also see: braces porn, (ouch) diaper porn, blowjob machines, cuckold porn, anything to do with pineapples or donkeys or firetrucks… but I think you get it…
Also, on another note, be careful because there is a fine line between alternative, punk and goth porn and clown porn. Sometimes goth porn is hot, but other times all you would have to do is slap on a foam rubber red nose and well…. you got clown porn… so be careful.
The Shit Eaters – although I don’t need to go into detail, basically this covers all the sick shit I don’t really want to talk about either other than in passing reference to sick ass funny shit. Two girls One Cup, kind of stuff. It’s funny for a second, then you just want to get sick.
Art Porn – This is basically anything that is kind of cool or sexy, but not like jack off sexy. just interesting, arty, mildly seductive, maybe noteworthy, maybe not. I guess this would fall more into the “Erotica” category, but I kind of hate that word. Just reminds me of metallica or vampires… Some art porn is cool, but some of it is still just fucking boring too.
Alt Porn – I am so sick of this category. Sometimes I guess it can be “interesting” but usually people just take some vanilla porn chicks, slap on some leather and a tattoo and they call it alt porn. And since when did alt porn become synonymous with fetish porn?
I mean, technically, anything can be a fetish; clown porn, people who like to fuck in the bathtub, people into dirty fingernails, amputee hentai, short chicks who like dudes dressed like big bird… i mean seriously, you can dig down pretty far into the micro niche and call something a fetish, just because there is a chick with a tattoo, stop calling it alt porn. At least have the creativity to make up a real fetish niche.
I hate that… stop lumping it all together. We live in a long tail society full of micro niches now and I think we can take the whole “alternative” cultural definition and bury it once and for all.
Well, this is turning into a rant so i’ll stop here for now. The “too much coffee guy” niche is what i’m all about right now… yikes… anyway, until next time.
