Respect for Joe Average Guy – The New Alternative
July 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment
After my last post, I got to thinking. I guess in a way, I may be contradicting myself from previous posts, and risking being hypocritical, but to continue on with my dislike for the term “alternative” or “alt” I have a few things to say. And although it is only sort of marginally related to porn, I felt the need to run my mouth off a little anyway because there are at least some connections. (Have you noticed, I LOVE run on sentences?)
Anyway, I recently downloaded the audio book off iTunes called “The Long Tail” by Chris Anderson from Wired magazine. The book basically describes how media and cultural things that were once limited, homoginized and controlled by mass corporate marketing engines are now being replaced my more of a micro niche culture of pretty much anything you want is now available, any time you want it. And while the diversity of limitless options available, especially in the porn world is nice “sometimes”, I can’t help but to start getting a little overwhelmed with the “too many options” world of today.
Even with something simple like going out to eat seems to be so incredibly hard to do anymore. Take going out for breakfast for example. If you live in a large metropolitan city these days, just try to go out and get a simple eggs and bacon breakfast at your local diner on a Sunday afternoon. Think about it seriously. I challenge you. Does that even exist anymore?
Now. if I want to not cook and go out to a restaurant for something simple to satisfy my hunger, I am faced with so many limitless choices and varieties of wheat grass, chipotle, asian cucumber salad omlette served on a Thai banana leaf covered in goat cheese and acai berry jam, and you eat it with chop sticks while on a floating patio served on top of a naked chick with japanese anime playing on a projector on the wall. Read more
Boring Porn Classification
July 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment
I don’t know if it’s just the sweltering heat of the summer stunting my desire to surf porn or if things are just so boring lately, there just really hasn’t been much to report on that jumps out as news worthy.
In other news, I decided to start some sort of classification system to how I rate porn on this site. Since i’m not feeling all that motivated, I only came up with 5 so far, so by all means feel free to jump in to the discussion and make some suggestions. This is a blog, after all, so I encourage comments, discussion and feedback. Just don’t spam the fuck out of me, and cause me to get all up in your spammy shit.
Anyway, I was discussing with my friend Dan a while back and we came up with some classifications. Read more
Thank GOD for Lollipop Girl
June 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Let me start off by saying, I am a huge fan of Lollipop Girl, the queen of lollipop erotica. In my opinion, watching her make love to that Chuppa Chup is way hotter than almost 90% of all porn out there these days. Hands down.
If I have to sit through another bad blowjob scene with some fat hairy dude, getting his little diseased looking shit waxed by some completely vapid, non sensual, crack head with bug eyes and all teeth, choking and gagging and spitting and yanking on it and sticking it out the side of her cheeks, like that’s seriously supposed to get anyone excited, i’m gonna freak out.
Better yet, I propose all new aspiring porn stars should have their first screen test with their clothes on, with nothing but a camera and a lollipop. If you can’t give me wood with that, then give it up. If your dick is ugly or you give bad head, don’t film it. Be a responsible pornographer and take a lesson from Lollipop Girl, and for fuck sake, stop filming bad blowjobs. You’re not fooling anybody. Long live the art of the sensual lick.
Glory Hole Sex – Would you do it??
January 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Charlotte Vale
Ok, now you can’t honestly tell me you haven’t ever considered it. Maybe at least once in your life? You know… Glory Hole Sex?
For the guys, seriously, think about it. Maybe you’re in the back of some secluded place, maybe a restroom in a club or some far away truck stop on the highway at night, you’re a little horny and so you maybe give your dick a couple extra tugs after you pee, (you know you’ve done that…) and then all of a sudden, a finger motions through a hole in the wall from the stall next to yours. So you slide your raging hard on through that dark hole and some faceless, nameless, sexless, anonymous someone on the other end with a warm, wet mouth sucks you off. You could cum in their mouth, zip up your pants and leave, and nobody would ever have to know. Would you do it?
And for the girls, what if you were just sitting there taking a pee, maybe you had one too many drinks and were blasted and super horny and all of a sudden a HUGE erect cock pokes out of a hole in the wall. Like maybe the hugest, most perfect cock you have ever seen? Would you run away screaming? Would you take off your shoe and hit it as hard as you can? Or would you maybe give it a poke? Or even a little tickle? Your maybe… even a little lick? What if there was a quick $100 on the other end of the hole as well? So again, would you do it?
I personally think Glory Hole sex is fascinating. The thought of a completely anonymous no strings attached orgasm totally turns me on, but I can honestly say that there is no fucking way in HELL i would put my shit through a hole, not knowing what STD ridden surprise was on the other end. No way man.. Although the thought of Charlotte Vale maybe being on the other end is tempting… but still no way dude…
And for that reason, i’m glad they have sites like Gloryhole.com. The site has been around for a while now and the content just keeps getting better and better, loaded full of slutty white chicks sucking huge black dicks. I know it’s obviously fake, but for fantasy sake, I think even the Center for Disease Control is probably glad too, just so people can get their happy happy joy joys without actually trying the real thing. Although if Charlotte Vale was on the other end… hmm… nah…. maybe…. ok, naaaahhhh.
Candy Monroe – WTF??
November 25, 2008 | 4 Comments
My dad used to tell me this story about a dude he knew back in the Army who would walk around with a heavy, cast iron frying pan and for $20 he would let you hit him in the face with it as hard as you wanted to. That was my first lesson about just how fucked up people can be in this world, and that there really were some people who go out of their way to intentionally make themselves miserable.
When I first stumbled upon the interracial cuckold site, Candy Monroe, i’m not sure why, but couldn’t help but to think about “Frying Pan Man” and it occurred to me that I actually had more respect for him, than the pathetic losers who are into this kind of porn. At least “Frying Pan Man” was enterprising. Maybe his abusive business plans at least helped him pay for college, that is if he had any brains left when he got out of the service…
First off, I’ll have to admit that I think Candy Monroe is fucking funny. It’s not a website that I would really consider jack off material, it’s more like comedy porn. Candy is definitely hot, at least in sort of an alterna bar slut, drunken sailor pinup kind of way. Kind of like every girl I ever met in Southern California… (long story…) I clicked on the site and not knowing what to expect, I definitely had a good laugh. Watching her fuck all these well endowed black dudes right in front of her dumbass pathetic white boyfriends, is good for a good quick laugh at least. The only problem is, it didn’t take too long for the humor to wear off and I just started to get agitated.
Vintage Cable Porn Hacking – Remember When?
November 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Back in the good old days, before the internet, we had to work for our porn. Sure, if you were lucky, you had a friend with a few dirty magazines, or if you were brave enough and had a VCR (or beta…) you had to slink behind the secret curtain in the back of the video store and rent something. Even then, you still had to face the hottie behind the counter who probably knew a couple of your friends’ friends and the secret would be out and you were then branded insta-perv in your circle of potential some day hook ups.
If you were like me and too broke to afford the super bad ass cable, you could still cheat if you were patient enough and figure out a way to tweak your cable box and get the Playboy Channel. Read more
Snuff – A Book Review
November 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment
So, I just finished reading Snuff, the latest book by “Fight Club” author Chuck Palahniuk. While I felt it was definitely not one of his best books, in comparison to Fight Club or Choke, I thought this would be a great book to review for this site, considering the topic at hand.
Snuff is about an aging porn star, Cassie Wright and her attempt to end her career with a bang, by risking her life doing a 600 man gang bang, porno shoot and what goes on behind the scenes at such an event. The “real world” gang bang record holder, in case you don’t know, is Annabel Chong, who in her 1995 film “The World’s Biggest Gangbang” attempted to do 300, but could only do 251, after being so badly bruised from the pounding, she had to finish off the last remaining participants doing oral, while her crew packed ice between her legs.
Snuff focuses on what’s going through the minds of 4 main characters. Mr 72, a 20 something midwestern adopted guy who thinks he is Cassie’s long lost son, conceived during an accidental cream pie in one of her films, Mr 137, a has been TV star looking to revive his career, Mr 600 a porn actor who was responsible for launching Cassie’s porn career, by drugging her and raping her on camera, and Cassie’s bitter assistant Sheila, who is managing the whole event backstage.
First off, I still don’t know exactly how I felt about this book. It wasn’t good, maybe in comparison to most meaningful fiction, but I found it an interesting, quick read. The story in itself wasn’t what interested me as much as the way the author goes out of his way to describe the atmosphere and activity that goes on backstage at a gang bang as well as half a book full of porn and entertainment related trivia. Read more
Finally, a Blowjob Machine!
October 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment
 |
Forget Tool Time. Forget Home Depot or Sears… Finally, some ingenious, bored engineer put his degree to some good use and invented something every man in the world needs. A BLOWJOB MACHINE. Although the site designates it as a “hobby kit” the Kanojo Toy Shop is offering the ES Eroy Station Love machine set to finally satisfy what sexually frustrated men need the most. Blowjobs on command. Read more
Horror Porn Rules
October 13, 2008 | Leave a Comment
It’s October so just in time for Halloween, I give you Zombie and Horror Porn. If you ask me, it doesn’t get much more “not boring” than this. I don’t know about you but whenever I watch horror movies, especially the ones from the 50’s and 60’s, they make me incredible horny. Something about all the scantly clad innocent maidens in distress, running through castle hallways in nightgowns, or all the slutty daisy duke wearing unsuspecting campers in the 70’s slasher films, ah… it just gives me a boner.
I have always wanted someone to do real horror porn. And thanks to Rob Rotten and Punx Productions, they have finally made some of my sick fantasies come true. The first one, although I have yet to get my copy in the mail is Porn of the Dead. Although the reviews seem to state that it lacks any sort of plot or story line, there is supposed to be plenty of blood and guts. So, who cares about a plot. They were cool enough to give you horror porn so i guess it’s too much to expect a plot. Read more
Virtual Sex – Bring it ON!
October 13, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Being so bored with porn as I am, naturally when the news broke earlier this year about the new game controller from Emotiv that uses neurotechnology (aka brain waves) instead of buttons or a joystck, I got excited. Finally another small step was made towards my ultimate dream of real virtual sex.
And when I mean complete virtual sex, i’m not talking about a freakish blowup doll with a realistic battery operated, vibrating, rubber hole, or some poorly rendered 3D character in Second Life, I mean a full on, totally submersed, sexual experience triggered in my brain that is so realistic that I would swear it was real.
I want to come home from a long day at work, lower the lights, sit back on my couch, place a small device on my head, grab the remote and push track #2 “Jessica Alba” or maybe track #5 “Vintage Marilyn Monroe” that I just downloaded from the “iTunes Hustler Virtual” store, press play and have a complete, holographic, 5 senses sexual experience. Read more
keep looking »
